the crissle chronicles

You sound mad

november 15, 2008: D is still doing everything she can to annoy the living shit out of me. I just got this text message:

I don’t know how long you’re going to be mad, but you need to get over it! Everything you say about me gets back to me and I’ve been pretty good about just brushing it off! I can honestly say that I’ve not slandered your name once! Grow up Crystal! Yeah, the love I had and still have for you was and is real, and I’m trying my hardest to move on. It’s HARD, but I’m making it happen! I’m over the stunt you pulled with my furniture! I’m over you talking behind my back! I’m over the thought of us ever being friends! I can’t wait until the day I have no feelings for you! In addition, I’m not going to let you dictate whether I go to your church or not. So I will be there every Sunday! If you can’t take seeing me, oh well! Don’t respond, it’s all good!

Sounds like she’s mad cuz i sold her shit.

But i hate her

november 11, 2008: When do the crazy mood swings stop? I get so furious with D, and then I get so sad and I miss her so much, and then I get angry all over again, and then I feel guilty (!) and feel sad all over again. It just hurts and it wears me out. I’m so tired of this and I’ll be glad when I’m over her.

This is why I can’t sleep at night. I’m so used to her being here, but she’s not in the bed, watching TV, waiting for me to get off the computer and come to bed. I miss that. So anyway, I stay up until two or three in the morning, missing her and feeling angry, and then I finally fall asleep only to wake up at six thirty, tired and feeling worse. I get through my day and then I come home and do everything possible to stay out of my room until I have to go to bed. And the cycle just repeats and repeats.

I miss her. But I hate her.

liar

november 2, 2008: 

1. E and I made up at church today.
2. D is a really, really, really huge liar. Not to mention a certified thief.
3. We broke up and there is no way we’re getting back together, ever.
4. I now own all of her furniture, cookware…everything.
5. Okay.

fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck

october 19, 2008: I told D, yesterday when I was breaking up with her, the entire truth. That I sometimes doubt the things she says and that I really, really do not deserve the shitty, backburner way she has been treating me.

She came over last night and told me how much she has been missing me, and she never knew what she really had until it was gone, and she’s been selfish and stupid and thoughtless and doesn’t deserve me back anyway, and there is no Her without Me, and she is completely willing to not only treat me like the princess that I am but to also come out of the closet so that the entire world knows that D Loves Crystal, and she knows that the entire decision is up to me, but she just had to tell me that she is absolutely miserable without me, and would I please consider taking her back.

I’m probably leaving out some stuff she said - she talked for three hours, and I only interrupted every now and then to ask a question.

So. Yeah. I’m thinking about it. Not making any promises one way or the other. 

taking bets

october 11, 2008: Who wants to take bets on how much trashier my life can get?

In related news, I’m thinking about law school. Thinking about it A LOT. And thinking about getting the hell out of Oklahoma come May/June, probably headed to Houston. It’s far enough away so that OKC people can’t just pop up out of nowhere like they could if I lived in Dallas, and I have a ton of family there. I know that I could live with one of my aunts in her big ass house until I found a place and I wouldn’t move without getting a job there anyway. I just want to get far far away from my life in OKC and start over fresh in a new place.

I’m trying to stop cussing, lol okay.